Five Components of a Healthy Marriage

1. Attention: The very first sign that you were falling in love was that you noticed that someone was paying attention to you – and you started to pay attention to that someone. Do you remember how much attention you paid your mate before you were married? You wrote notes. You made phone calls. You spent hours talking together. You sent cards. You bought flowers. You brought gifts. You said over and over again, “You have my total and undivided attention.”What happened after you got married? Instead of saying, “I'll get that for you,” we started saying, “Get it yourself!” We became complacent in our relationship and took one another for granted. But if you’re going to rekindle the romance, you’ve got to make time for each other and pay attention to each other. If you don’t, you’re headed for trouble.
2. Affirmation: The quickest way to put spark back into your marriage is to start focusing on your spouse’s strengths instead of their weaknesses. Paul reminds us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Give encouragement to each other. Keep strengthening each other.” Everybody wants to be admired, appreciated, and looked up to. We fall in love with people who admire us. You’ve probably heard this before, but it’s so true. “Treat your husband like a king and he will treat you like a queen.” Very simple yet profound. We tend to become what others expect of us. Verbalize your love for your spouse every day. If you will verbalize your love, you will begin to feel that love you once had.
3. Affection: Remember how affectionate you and your spouse were during your courting days? In fact, you can always tell who the unmarried couples are. They can’t keep their hands off each other. Unfortunately, after the wedding, the touching and tenderness stop in so many marriages. All marriages need large amounts of hugging, kissing, caressing, and other forms of non-sexual touch. Ephesians 5:19 (Amplified) says, “Husbands ... be affectionate!” It is a command. Husbands, if you’re not doing this, you’re sinning. Some say, “I'm just not naturally affectionate.” So what? Change! It’s not in your genes. You learned the behavior from your background. You can learn to be affectionate.
4. Adventure: Most marriages are dull. Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, “Enjoy life with your wife.” I’ve read that the number one cause of affairs is boredom. Are you fun to live with? You had adventure when you were romancing your spouse. But you’ve probably lost that sense of adventure. Everything is predictable. Predictability kills a marriage. Unfortunately, most of us define fun as what you do after you’ve got all your work finished. But you never get all your work finished! The work is never done. Even after you retire, you still have got work to do. As a result, you don’t have any fun in your marriage – and you wonder why the feelings have died. You need at least one date a week. It doesn’t have to be expensive, and it doesn’t have to be at night. (Kay and I have done them on Monday mornings.) But regardless, do something you like to do together. And do it without the kids. Schedule it – every week – so you can’t back out when your schedule gets tight.
5. Accordance (spiritual oneness): The key to fellowship with your mate is for both of you to live in God’s presence. When you and your wife are both committed to Christ and what he’s doing in the world, you’ll be naturally drawn together. Spiritual unity enhances romance. I ended up proposing to Kay while we were praying together. I felt so close to her – our hearts were knit together – that I figured we might as well join our lives together. Prayer joins you together. And then there is the natural desire to show physical affection, physical oneness, when you are spiritually one. God wants you to have oneness. Romance was God’s idea. The Bible says two shall become one – intellectually, emotionally, physically, recreationally, and spiritually. When you are only having oneness in three of those areas, your marriage isn’t fully what God wants it to be. But when you and your spouse connect in all five areas, that’s when you find real, honest oneness. Do you and your spouse pray together? Do you do ministry together? Do you share what God is doing in your life with your spouse, and visa-versa? Make those things a part of your time together, and romance will return.

[by Rick Warren]

Common Questions

Q: If someone goes to therapy, does it mean that he or she is “crazy” or headed for a breakdown?
A: If anything, going to therapy simply shows that someone is being an active participant in creating positive change in his or her life.

Q: How can a therapist help me if they don’t share my background or experiences?
A: The therapist's training and experience allow them to bring curiosity and compassion to whatever experience you may have. Although the forms of human experience are limitless, basic feeling states like confusion, anger, fear, grief and shame are universal.

Q: Can I afford therapy?
A: The Relationship Clinic standard fee is $80 for a 50 minute session. An important part of affording therapy is the conscious effort to prioritize self-care and adjust one’s budget accordingly. If you have a particularly limited income, we will attempt to work with you to negotiate a fee that you can afford based on your combined gross income.

Q: What’s the difference between talking to a therapist and talking to a friend?
A: Our role goes beyond just listening or giving advice. Our work together will offer you a therapeutic environment and treatment approach based on years of experience and training in the art and science of psychological healing and growth.

Q: Are you going to push me to open up or do things that I’m not comfortable doing?
A: One of the unique aspects of therapy is that it is a time and space created just for you. This means that we will attempt to meet and honor your needs and limitations, go at a pace that works for you and respond to your feedback. Your growth requires safety and challenge.

Q: How long will I need to be in therapy?
A: Our aim is to assist you in accessing and developing your own coping strategies and answers. On an ongoing basis, we will evaluate progress made towards meeting your treatment goals and your readiness to step out of therapy.

Having Sleep Problems?

Nibble on one of these 10 high-carb calmers an hour before bedtime. You just might find yourself yawning in no time.

1. Half of a whole-wheat English muffin or raisin bagel drizzled with honey
2. Two cups of air-popped popcorn
3. A small slice of angel food cake topped with berries
4. A frozen whole-wheat waffle, toasted, with maple syrup
5. Half a cup of pretzels
6. Fresh strawberries dunked in a little fat-free chocolate syrup
7. Half a cup of pasta topped with marinara sauce
8. A 4-ounce baked potato topped with salsa
9. A handful of oyster crackers and a piece of fruit
10. Canned mandarin oranges sprinkled with crystallized ginger

Today's Quote

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew." - Saint Francis de Sales

Tips for Dealing with Summer Depression

Ah, the joys of summer. The withering heat. School vacations, when your kids give you minute-to-minute updates on their boredom levels. Isn’t summer supposed to be fun and relaxing? If you’ve got summer depression, it isn’t.

For some people, summer depression has a biological cause, says Ian A. Cook, MD, the director of the Depression Research Program at UCLA. For others, the particular stresses of summer can pile up and make them feel miserable.

What makes depression in summer especially hard is that you feel like you’re supposed to be having a great time. Everyone else seems so happy splashing in the water and sweating in their lawn chairs. So why can’t you? And more importantly, what can you do to make this summer easier?

Tips for Coping With Summer Depression:

• Get help. It’s simple. If you think you’re getting depressed, no matter what time of year, get help. Talk to a counselor or therapist. Never take the signs of depression lightly. Don’t wait them out, assuming they’ll resolve. Sometimes, what started as summer depression can turn into a longer-lasting bout of major depression. And even if your depression will resolve in September, that’s no reason to ignore it in June. We’re talking about three months of potentially avoidable misery. A temporary depression can still be pretty awful. While the symptoms lift in a few months, the impact on your family and job can be permanent. Contact the Relationship Clinic today for an appointment (DGBrock@aol.com).
• Plan ahead. There’s one advantage to a summer depression: you know when it’s coming. June is right there on the calendar. So if you’re feeling OK in the spring, think about the specific aspects of your life that become difficult during the summer. What will help prevent summer depression? What’s the best way to take time off from work? Would signing up the kids for summer programs or camp help relieve your stress? You’ll feel a lot more in control heading into the summer if you have plans in place.
• Sleep. Vacations, summer barbecues, the short nights – they can all encourage you to stay up later than usual. But not getting enough sleep is a common trigger for depression. So make a concerted effort to get to bed on time.
• Keep up with your exercise. Many studies have found that regular physical activity can help keep depression at bay. So even if it’s getting too hot for your normal activities, find other ways to stay active and head off summer depression. Start earlier in the morning or later in the evening, when it’s not so hot. Consider fitness equipment for the cool basement. If an annual membership to a gym is too expensive, consider joining one for a couple of months just to get you through the summer.
• Don’t overdo dieting and fitness. Don’t kick off the summer with a frenzy of dieting and exercise in order to fit into last year’s bathing suit. It’s bound to make you unhappy and anxious. Instead, exercise sensibly and eat moderately. If you try an insanely restrictive diet, you probably won’t be able to keep it up. And that “failure” will just leave you more demoralized and worsen your summer depression.
• Protect yourself. Don’t let obligations drag you down. Maybe you always host the enormous family barbecue on Memorial Day or the July 4 picnic. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed, give it a pass this year. Ask another relative to host. Don’t risk pushing yourself into a summer depression just to live up to tradition.
• Think about why. If you struggle with summer depression year after year, ask yourself if there’s a reason. Do you associate summer with a difficult time in the past – the death of a loved one or the break-up of a relationship? Have you had previous bouts of depression during the summer? Without even realizing it, you may have started to associate the summer with sadness – an association that gets stronger every summer that you spend depressed. If you do have some unhappy connection with the summer, sorting it out could help you break the cycle.
• Talk to your doctor about adjusting your medication. If you’re on medicine for depression, and you find that summer – year after year – makes your depression worse, talk to your doctor about changing your dosage. Maybe he or she could up your dose in the late spring and taper it back down in the fall. It could really help head off summer depression problems.
• Plan your vacation carefully. Before you book your plane tickets or load up your car’s roof rack for your annual summer vacation, ask yourself this: Is this what you really want? Or is it an obligation you’re fulfilling to a relative? Will it make you happy? Or will it stretch your finances, stress you out, and make you fall behind at work? Consider alternatives. Instead of taking a whole week off at once, might it be better to take off several long weekends spread out through the summer? Would taking time off but staying at home – a “staycation” – be more relaxing? Don’t get locked into a vacation that won’t feel like a vacation.
• Don’t beat yourself up. One thing that’s hard about summer depression is that you feel so out of step. Everyone else seems to be having such a swell time. You aren’t. You keep asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” Try not to think that way. So much of our misery grows out of the gap between where we are and where we think we ought to be. So stop worrying about how you feel relative to other people. Stop assuming that you’re supposed to be happy just because the calendar says it’s June. Instead, concentrate on what’s triggering your summer depression and how you can overcome it. Treatments do work. Psychotherapy (at the Relationship Clinic) or medication can blunt the effects of a seasonal depression. Summers really don’t have to be so bad.

[By R. Morgan Griffin - WebMD Medical Reference]

Therapeutic Things to Remember

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is; it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

[Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio “To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."]

Location/Directions

For directions or a map to the Relationship Clinic, CLICK HERE.

I Just Lost My Job - Now What?

Until recently, job layoffs were something we read about, but most of us felt it could never happen to us. Now that the unthinkable has happened, what should you do?

First and foremost, believe in yourself. The initial shock of losing a job can be tremendous. But, if you don't believe in yourself nobody will. In this economy, even the best of the best are not immune to layoffs, so don't take your situation personally. Everything happens for a reason. Every person I know who lost a job ultimately found one that was much better than the previous. You will too!

Take Time Off!

Take a day or two off. Most likely you need a short vacation. There are many inexpensive things you can do to temporarily take your mind off of your troubles. The job hunt will require you to be at your peak performance and by taking some initial time off you will put yourself in a better position to succeed.

You can go to a museum or the zoo. You can go for a long bike ride or a walk. You can go fishing, play pool, swim or go for a massage. You can even go to a retirement community or a hospital to brighten up someone's day. Doing charity work will put your situation into perspective that life can be worse. The idea is for you to relax and take your mind off of your situation so that you will be refreshed for your job-hunting journey.

Learn from Your Experience

After your short time off, get a note pad and a pen. Write down your learning experiences from your past job. Where did you excel? How could you have improved your performance? What did you enjoy about your previous job? What would you like to avoid in future jobs? The key is to learn from the experience of losing a job. That way you turn a negative event into something positive.

Next, write down your greatest strengths. This could be anything from your ability to communicate to the fact that you are a hard-worker. Maybe you are a great cost-cutter or you have a unique ability to motivate others. Whatever your strengths are, write them down.

Determine Your Ideal Job

Then, on a fresh sheet of paper write down the traits and characteristics that would make up your ideal job. Maybe you want a job where you can work out of the home. Perhaps you want a job working for a small entrepreneurial company. Maybe you even want to change careers.

Once completed, compare your strengths to your ideal job characteristics. Identify those positions that fit your talents best, yet allow you to do what you enjoy. Write down all the possibilities you can think of. You now have your target market (list) of opportunities.

Job-hunting is like a trip. Before getting in a car, you first pick out your destination and then decide on the best route to get there. With your target list of opportunities you have identified your destination. And, as a result of your short vacation, you have a full tank of gas. Now, plan how you can best get to your destination' your ideal job. Your friends, family, ex-coworkers, ex-customers, stock brokers, doctors along with the Internet, recruiters, newspapers, and industry events will all be possible routes you can take.

Go Online

One of the best and fastest growing methods of finding a job is the Internet. Most companies now post open positions through online job portals as well as their own web sites. Companies will often post opportunities in a section of their web site called "employment opportunities."

There are many online bulletin boards, job portals and services on the Internet where you can electronically view job openings and post and send resumes. Some of the most popular sites include http://www.careerbuilder.com/, http://www.hotjobs.com/, http://www.monster.com/, http://www.jobhunt.com/ and http://www.career.com/. In addition, there are many "headhunters" and job placement agencies on the Internet. One great source is http://brilliantpeople.com/.

In addition, many local newspapers have their own web sites that provide you with the ability to search online for jobs. You can search by job category and job location. Additionally, many of these newspaper web sites allow you to post your resume online. Also, these sites provide recent articles and sections on job hunting that give fabulous advice.

Finally, there are many sites on the Internet that provide free advice on resumes and cover letters. Some of these include http://www.jobweb.com/, http://free-resume-tips.com/, http://quintcareers.com/, and http://www.rpi.edu/web/writingcenter/cover_letter.htmll.
You are a great individual and you deserve the best. By following some of these simple steps you will succeed!

[This article is excerpted from Todd's bestselling book, 10 Insider Secrets To Job Hunting Success. You can download the book for only $7.95 from ebookmall.com. Or, you can purchase this number-one ranked job hunting paperback for $16.95 from Amazon.com]

Video Games Addiction

Study: Three Million American Kids May Be Addicted to Video Games

According to a study by Iowa State University, an estimated three million U.S. children — ages 8-18 — show multiple signs of behavioral addiction.

Douglas Gentile, lead researcher for the study, found that 8.5 percent of all youths who play video games exhibited symptoms. "It becomes an addiction when it starts damaging multiple areas of your life", said Gentile. "It's unlike TV, it's unlike other things that might be a waste of time, because video games actually become a replacement for real life," said Kurt Bruner, co-author of Playstation Nation.

[CitizenLink.com]

Be Happy

Being happier doesn’t have to be a long-term ambition. You can start right now. In the next 30 minutes, tackle as many of the following suggestions as possible. Not only will these tasks themselves increase your happiness, but the mere fact that you’ve achieved some concrete goals will boost your mood.

1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you’re on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better…
2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.
3. Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you’ll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.
4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of elation.
5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time cleaning off your desk and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.
6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. In fact, you can also…
7. Save someone’s life. Don't be intimidated by this - I don't mean today! Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. “Do good, feel good” — it really works!
8. Act happy. Fake it 'til you feel it. That's a favorite with folks I know. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you’re smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.
9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need" to learn about.

Some people worry that wanting to be happier is a selfish goal, but in fact, research shows that happier people are more sociable, likable, healthy, and productive — and they’re more inclined to help other people. By working to boost your own happiness, you’re making other people happier, too. That can't be wrong.

The Pressure of Looking for a New Job

The Job Interview

Just like a blind date, there are some definite no-no's you need to avoid if you want to pass a job interview:

1. Don't try to outwit or outguess the interviewer.
   Most candidates go into a job interview thinking it's a contest where the goal is to defeat the interviewer in some type of battle of wits. "Aha, they've asked me this question, that most certainly must be some type of trick question. I just don't know what the trick is yet. Here's how I would normally answer the question, but instead I should say what he probably wants to hear." That thinking is when good interviews go bad. Sit back, relax, and pretend it is a conversation with a friend. Those are the best interviews.
2. Read the job description.
   And then read it again, because the job description is your "cheat sheet" for the interview. Chances are the items listed on the job description will come up in the interview. For instance, if the job description says, "looking for creative problem-solvers" one of the questions you will receive is, "Give me an example of when you creatively solved a problem."
3. Have reasons for everything you've done.
   Most companies conduct behavioral interviews. It means they are more interested in the hows and the whys, as opposed to the whats. They want to know what makes you tick. An interviewer is not simply going to say, "Oh, I see that you worked as a sales rep in your last job. Cool." That interviewer may spend about 10 minutes asking questions about the job: "What did you like about the job? What were your accomplishments? What were your biggest mistakes?" And on and on. Be sure you have answers.
4. Ask questions.
   There is nothing more damaging than not having a single question at the end of an interview. It shows that you have no curiosity or interest in the organization. Almost every interviewer will leave about five minutes at the end of the interview to answer questions. Make sure you have a couple. Two or three questions is appropriate, and they can be either personal questions -- "What do you like about working here?" -- or they can be business questions -- "How has the Internet affected your business?"

There you have it - four quick ways that you can make sure you ace the interview and have the best chance of all at this job, that you want, and that you deserve. Good luck!

Feel Better Naturally

Nutritional fixes:

• Fish oil contains high levels of the omega-3 fatty acid DHA (docosahexaenoic acid); a deficiency in DHA has been linked to depression. When DHA is plentiful, your mood isn't the only thing that gets a boost — memory and learning are enhanced as well. Not a fish fan? Essential fatty acids are also found in a variety of seeds, nuts, oils and leafy vegetables.
• Antioxidant-rich foods can also serve to bolster mental health. Try to include apricots, broccoli, carrots, pumpkin, spinach, sweet potato, blueberries, kiwi and oranges, among others, in your diet.
• Daily multivitamins are the final step in keeping your brain and body properly regulated. When selecting supplements, look for B vitamins, magnesium, folic acid, selenium, and the amino acids tyrosine and tryptophan. These brain boosters are important for curbing depression and anxiety due to their effects on the mood-regulating neurotransmitters serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.
• Talk about your feelings. Everyone needs to talk about their feelings sometime. The only problem is, we have to be careful who we talk to. Psychotherapy or talk-therapy with a professional can help. Your confidentiality is insured.